I've been afraid to post this

After 6 months of cancer checks (as I called them - checking to make sure my partial molar pregnancy didn't come back as cancer), we were cleared to TTC again. H and I discussed trying again, and it turns out that I ovulated early that particular month and... miracle!!!! Here I am 10 weeks pregnant!!!! Between my OB telling me last time that I'd need medical intervention to get PG again, and then the PMP last time and everything that went along with that, it truly feels like this was a miracle.

I've had 2 great ultrasounds, being monitored closely because I am "so high risk", as the nurse said, because of the PMP.

I'm in tears just writing this. Is still feels so surreal. I still can't let myself get too excited because I'm so so scared that I will have another missed miscarriage. But I am here. I am 10 weeks pregnant and everything is good as of now.

<3

Turns out it was a partial molar pregnancy

I guess I'm glad to have answers? The good news is that it's not genetic. The bad news is that we might have to wait anywhere from 6 months to a year to start trying again. In simple terms, the placenta starts growing aggressively and any cells left behind could grow back into cancer. So I have to get my hCG levels checked regularly until they're back to 0 and stay that way. This was caused by 2 sperms fertilizing one egg and occurs in 1% of pregnancies. It helps to know my chances of it having it happen again are very slim...but then again, when you're in that 1%, low percentages are no longer peace of mind. Also, missed miscarriages are common for this condition. So that explains that. And because the placenta grows so aggressively, bad morning sickness and fatigue are typical. I'm thankful to have only had light all day m/s, but that would explain why I felt like I was soooooo much more tired than with my first two pregnancies!

At this point, I'm feeling good about this emotionally. It happened. It sucks. There was a reason. I have 2 beautiful healthy amazing girls to focus on. That helps a lot. I know I still want a 3rd, but this makes me worry if it's the right choice even more.

Missed Miscarriage

I went in for my first appt. at 8.5 weeks. Everything seemed great but I asked for an early ultra sound to get an accurate due date. Thankful that I asked, otherwise I would have gone home and we would have told our girls that they were going to have another brother or sister....

An internal ultrasound showed I was measuring barely 6 weeks. No heartbeat yet. The technician said that was normal for 6 weeks, and that the sac and fetal pole lined up correctly for those dates.... but I got a positive pregnancy test almost 6 weeks ago, so I KNOW that is not right. The OB came in to talk to me and basically said that crazier things have happened and she won't confirm a miscarriage yet, but based on my dates, it doesn't look good.

Physically, I feel fine. My body has not acknowledged the fact that the baby stopped growing over 2 weeks ago.
Emotionally, ups and downs. I am so so thankful for my friends who have been extremely supportive over the last day. There's nothing like having a friend cry along with you, knowing that my pain and love for this child is felt beyond just me.

I am so thankful for my amazing husband who came home from work early, with dinner, groceries, flowers and sushi for me :) For his strength. For his calmness and understanding.

And I am so very thankful for my faith. Because without my faith, I know I would be a mess! But I know if this is what was meant to happen, there is a reason. When I first found out I was pregnant, a good friend told me she was praying for the baby, imagining God's hand holding the baby. That gave me so much comfort then. And it gives me great comfort now, knowing that baby is safe with God.

The hardest part about this is that, after 5 months of trying, my OB told me I wouldn't be able to conceive without some sort of medical intervention (luteal phase defect). I scheduled the bloodwork and an appointment to figure out our next step...and that is the month I found out I was pregnant! And now we're back here.....

But it will be ok.

I go in to check my betas tomorrow, and then another u/s on Monday to confirm a miscarriage. I know I shouldn't be completely hopeless, because I've heard similar stories of things working out...but in my heart, I know this is it.

Weight Log

Fourth Pregnancy - started at 133 lbs
1st Trimester
Weeks 1-4- Month 1 - completed! (-1 lb)
Weeks 5-8- Month 2 - completed (-2 lbs)
Weeks 9-13- Month 3 - completed!  weighed in at 132
Total weight: -1 lb
2nd Trimester
Weeks 14-17- Month 4 - completed (+5 lbs - 137lbs)
Weeks 18-21- Month 5 - completed ( +4 lbs)
Weeks 22-26-Month 6 -
Overall weight gain:
3rd Trimester
Weeks 27-30-Month 7 -
Weeks 31-35-Month 8 -
Weeks 36-40- Month 9 -
Total Pregnancy weight gain:


Third Pregnancy - started at 129.6 lbs
1st Trimester
Weeks 1-4- Month 1 - completed! (-1 lb)
Weeks 5-8- Month 2 - completed (+1 lb)


Second Pregnancy - started at 127 lbs
1st Trimester
Weeks 1-4- Month 1 - Completed! (+/- 0lbs)
Weeks 5-8- Month 2 - Completed! (-2 lbs)
Weeks 9-13- Month 3 - Completed! (+ 2 lbs)
Total weight: +/- 0 lbs
2nd Trimester
Weeks 14-17- Month 4 - .....
Weeks 18-21- Month 5 - .... well, at some point along the way, I'm now up about 10 lbs total.
Weeks 22-26-Month 6 - (+ about 7 lbs)
Overall weight gain: 17 lbs
3rd Trimester
Weeks 27-30-Month 7 - + 6 lbs (at 150 now)
Weeks 31-35-Month 8 - + 4.5 lbs
Weeks 36-40- Month 9 -
Total Pregnancy weight gain: 37 lbs exactly... again!


First Pregnancy - started around 134 lbs
1st Trimester
Weeks 1-4- Month 1 - Completed! (+/- 0lbs)
Weeks 5-8- Month 2 - Completed! (- 3 lbs)
Weeks 9-13- Month 3 - Completed! (+ 2 lbs)
Total weight: - 1 lb Total weight:
2nd Trimester
Weeks 14-17- Month 4 - Completed! (+ 1 lb)
Weeks 18-21- Month 5 - Completed! (+ 5 lbs)
Weeks 22-26-Month 6 - Completed! (+ 7 lbs)
Overall weight gain: + 12 lbs 
3rd Trimester
Weeks 27-30-Month 7 - Completed! (+ 6.5 lbs)
Weeks 31-35-Month 8 - Completed! (+ 7.5 lbs)
Weeks 36-40- Month 9 - ...
Total Pregnancy weight gain: 37 lbs

Belly Pictures

Belly Pictures. First pregnancy is on left. Second Pregnancy in the middle. Third Pregnancy on the right.

Time of BFP! (10 DPO for all 3 pregnancies)

7 weeks

Around 8.5 weeks

Around 11 weeks, 1st pregnancy; 12 weeks 2nd pregnancy

12 weeks 4th pregnancy

13 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks

17 weeks

18 weeks

19 weeks first pregnancy

20 weeks

21 weeks, first pregnancy - 22 weeks second pregnancy

23 weeks

24 weeks second pregnancy

25 weeks

Around 26 weeks

Around 27 weeks

Around 29 weeks

Around 30 weeks

Around 31 weeks

Around 32 weeks

Around 33 weeks 1st pregnancy

Around 34 weeks

Around 35 weeks

Around 36 weeks

Around 38 weeks

Around 39 weeks

Around 40 weeks

41 weeks 2nd pregnancy

Christmas picture (2 months before DD was born)