Missed Miscarriage

I went in for my first appt. at 8.5 weeks. Everything seemed great but I asked for an early ultra sound to get an accurate due date. Thankful that I asked, otherwise I would have gone home and we would have told our girls that they were going to have another brother or sister....

An internal ultrasound showed I was measuring barely 6 weeks. No heartbeat yet. The technician said that was normal for 6 weeks, and that the sac and fetal pole lined up correctly for those dates.... but I got a positive pregnancy test almost 6 weeks ago, so I KNOW that is not right. The OB came in to talk to me and basically said that crazier things have happened and she won't confirm a miscarriage yet, but based on my dates, it doesn't look good.

Physically, I feel fine. My body has not acknowledged the fact that the baby stopped growing over 2 weeks ago.
Emotionally, ups and downs. I am so so thankful for my friends who have been extremely supportive over the last day. There's nothing like having a friend cry along with you, knowing that my pain and love for this child is felt beyond just me.

I am so thankful for my amazing husband who came home from work early, with dinner, groceries, flowers and sushi for me :) For his strength. For his calmness and understanding.

And I am so very thankful for my faith. Because without my faith, I know I would be a mess! But I know if this is what was meant to happen, there is a reason. When I first found out I was pregnant, a good friend told me she was praying for the baby, imagining God's hand holding the baby. That gave me so much comfort then. And it gives me great comfort now, knowing that baby is safe with God.

The hardest part about this is that, after 5 months of trying, my OB told me I wouldn't be able to conceive without some sort of medical intervention (luteal phase defect). I scheduled the bloodwork and an appointment to figure out our next step...and that is the month I found out I was pregnant! And now we're back here.....

But it will be ok.

I go in to check my betas tomorrow, and then another u/s on Monday to confirm a miscarriage. I know I shouldn't be completely hopeless, because I've heard similar stories of things working out...but in my heart, I know this is it.